Conversations
by DiamondRussia
Summary: Several conversations between Hermione and Draco, and co. DHr
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter_

--

"Malfoy, if you don't stop staring at me, I'll hex you so hard your kids will feel it."

"Well, Granger, maybe you should stop hiking your skirt up so high. You look like a stripper in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit."

"You're such a pervert, you inbred git! And just because I'm better than you at everything doesn't mean you have to drool over me constantly."

"You're not better than me at anything, you prissy little swot! Just because you kiss all the professors' arses and wipe Potter's bum for him, you think you're Queen of the universe. Shit, I could teach you a thing or two-"

"Fuck you, Malfoy!"

"Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy! Lower your voices at once! You are the Head Girl and Boy, I expect you to set a better example of decorous behavior. This is the library, not the Quidditch pitch."

"Sorry, Madam Pince."

"You're such a ruddy brown-noser, Granger."

"SOD OFF, Malfoy!"

"Make me!"

"OUT! OUT! Both of you, OUT! I will not tolerate such behavior in my library! OUT!"

--

"Can I help you, Granger?"

"Get out of my way, Malfoy, you're blocking the door."

"And what if I don't feel like it?"

"I'll stick my wand somewhere you don't want it to go."

"Hmm, tempting as that is, Granger, I think I'll just stay where I am."

"Goddamn it, Malfoy, move your arse!"

"No."

"You're such an insufferable bastard!"

"Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, five points apiece for quarreling and obstructing the doorway to my classroom. You two aren't starting your seventh year off very well now, are you? Do try to at least pretend to get along, will you please?"

"Yes, Professor McGonagall."

"Good. Now, run along, class starts in three minutes."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall, of course , Professor McGonagall, can I stick my nose even farther up your arse while I'm kissing it, Professor McGonagall-"

"FUCK OFF, MALFOY!"

"Oww, that was my ear, you bitch! You punched me in the ear! Wow, that was a nice punch."

"Shut up, and quit following me!"

--

"Hello, Granger, trying to sneak a peak at the Malfoy family jewels?"

"Goddamn it, Malfoy, most people lock the door when they plan on taking a bath."

"Oh, don't try to make it sound like an accident, I know you've wanted my goods for months."

"WHAT-"

"Come on, I saw the look on your face when you found out the Head Boy and Girl have adjoining rooms and share a bathroom. You were ecstatic."

"I was nauseous , you dolt! You think I WANT to see you naked?"

"You're still standing there, aren't you?"

"Aaaaugh!"

"Sure you don't want to join me? The water's nice."

SLAM

--

"Hey, Malfoy, can I borrow a quill? I broke the tip off my last one."

"I dunno, Granger, what are you going to do for me?"

"Refrain from cursing your balls off."

"Tsk tsk, is that anyway to ask for a favor? I think you'd better start begging."

"Can I borrow the bloody quill or not?"

"I suppose."

" Thank you."

"Miss Granger, will you please stop harassing Mr. Malfoy? You've caused enough distractions in class as it is with your incessant questions."

"But Professor Snape-"

"No excuses, Miss Granger, and five points from Gryffindor for talking back to a teacher. Now, back to jobberknoll feathers…"

"Yeah, Granger, stop harassing me. How am I supposed to learn anything with you around?"

"Goddamn it, Malfoy, you simpering son of a-"

"Miss Granger, I believe I have already asked you once to leave Mr. Malfoy alone. You will serve detention with me tonight, six p.m. sharp!"

"Yes, Professor Snape."

--

"Hey, Granger, how was detention- whoa, sorry!"

"MALFOY! Most people have the decency to KNOCK before barging into someone's private quarters!"

"Well, I didn't expect you to be walking around in your knickers! Although I'd have come in a lot sooner if I'd known…"

"Get out!"

"Can I have my quill back first? I lent you my favorite one."

" GET OUT! "

"Oww! I'm going, I'm going! You don't have to throw things at me! Shit!"

--

KNOCK KNOCK

"You can come in, Granger."

"How did you know it was me?"

"I dunno."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry to see that you're fully dressed now."

"Yes, well, erm, Malfoy… I wanted to apologize for throwing that book at you. I feel really bad that I made your head bleed."

"Yeah, well, nothing a little healing charm couldn't fix. Besides, that wasn't the first time a girl's thrown things at me and it probably won't be the last."

"Right… erm, here's your quill."

"Thanks."

"Well, uh, it's late…"

"You alright, Granger? You seem a bit edgy."

"I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

--

"Owwwww! Oh my GOD ohmygodohmygod-"

"Granger, what the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"Oh JEEEEESUS- I got a huge splinter in my palm from this fucking tree! Ooooh!"

"I'll go get Hagrid or Potter, they're right over there-"

"No! Get it out, Malfoy, holy SHIT it hurts so bad!"

"Alright, Christ! Let me see it… Merlin, it's the size of a quill nib!"

"Aaaaaaaugh, if only I had some tweezers…"

"Tweezers? I'm a wizard, you twit, and I don't need fucking tweezers! Here, I'll get it- hold still, will you?"

"Oooooh…"

"Stop crying, I can't concentrate if you cry… Vellus!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

"See? All better."

"Oh god, Malfoy, thank you!"

"Yeah, yeah, now go away. Pothead and Weaslekins are glaring at me, and I'd rather not disrupt your precious Care of Magical Menaces class, eh?"

"Right… erm, thanks again…"

"Hermione, are you okay?"

"You've got blood all over your hand!"

"What happened?! Did Malfoy do something to you?!"

"Ooh, I'll get him good-"

"Ron, Harry, it's okay! I hurt my hand and Malfoy fixed it."

"He did? He didn't hex you or anything?"

"No."

"Huh. That's odd."

--

"Morning, Granger. Mind if I join you? Got to get my hair perfect, you know."

"Malfoy, can't I brush my teeth in peace?"

"I don't know why you bother doing that at all. Why don't you just use the Dental Charm?"

"There's something satisfying about brushing your teeth every morning. And the Dental Charm never cleans quite as well as a toothbrush."

"Whatever you say, Granger."

"Haven't you ever tried cleaning your teeth the Muggle way, Malfoy?"

"Of course not!"

"You should try it! I've got an extra toothbrush here somewhere…"

"No way."

"Oh, come on. It really does feel good. And besides, guys who brush their teeth are much more kissable."

"More what ?"

"Kissable. I would much rather snog a guy who's been brushing his teeth than one who's lazy and only uses the Dental Charm."

"Oh, alright, fine. But don't tell any of the Slytherins, okay? I'd never hear the end of it if they knew I used such a… Muggle implement."

"Deal."

"Okay, Granger- what do I do?"

"Well, first let me find that other toothbrush…okay, here we go. This is toothpaste, it tastes nice and minty. Here you are, now just brush it back and forth on your teeth."

"Like thish?"

"Uh huh. And don't forget the ones in the back. You can spit the foam out when there's too much… I meant in the sink, you idiot! Tee hee, you're doing great!"

"How long am I shupposhed to do thish for?"

"As long as you want, but I'd say you're probably clean enough by now. Okay, now rinse and spit. See, doesn't that feel nice?"

"Huh, that does feel nice! I gotta hand it to you Granger, you're right."

"I told you."

"Now what was that about the kissable part?"

"Ha ha, Malfoy, very funny."

"Just remember, you promised not to tell anyone."

"I only said I wouldn't tell any Slytherins. I can't wait to tell Harry and Ron about the Great Malfoy losing his dental virginity..."

"You wouldn't!"

"All right, I wouldn't really. But just remember this the next time you're tormenting me: make me mad enough, and I'll spill the beans to all of Gryffindor."

"You are evil. You could've been a Slytherin."

"And have to spend even more time with you than I'm already forced to? I don't think so."

"You like spending time with me, admit it."

"Never."

--

_Yay! The first of the two part series! R&R, lovers!!_

_-AG_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter_

--

"There you are Malfoy; I've been looking for you everywhere! We have to schedule a meeting with the prefects right away; they're driving me crazy, always slacking off and screwing around when they're supposed to be on evening hallway patrol. I just caught that fifth year Hufflepuff prefect snogging her boyfriend behind the suit of armor right outside our rooms! Could they get any stupider? I just can't-"

"For Merlin's sake, Granger, calm down. Cut them a little slack, fifth year is really difficult, as you should remember. Everyone needs to relieve a bit of tension- don't glare at me like that! If you want to call a meeting, then go right ahead. Anytime but Wednesday night, I have Quidditch practice."

"Fine, I will. What are you doing flying around alone out here in the dark anyways? It's nearly 11 p.m., if something had happened to you-"

"Worried about me, are you?"

"Wha- no, of course not! But you're the Head Boy, you need to be available in case I- in case the students need you! Besides, it is dangerous, even though Dumbledore got rid of all the dementors around here, there are lots of other nasty things out there."

"On the Quidditch pitch? Granger, you need to relax. Go get your broom, you can join me! Then it won't be so dangerous."

"Erm, no thank you, uh…"

"What? Why not?"

"Well…I really should be going inside, and you should too! It's late, after all-"

"You can fly, can't you?"

"Of course I can fly! Just not…, well, not very well, and definitely not in the dark. Stop laughing, you bastard, it's not funny!"

"Well, well, Goody Goody Granger, best in the school at everything, can't even fly! Ha! I guess there is definitely one thing that I'm better than you at, now isn't there- oww! Why do you always hit me? You need some help with your violent streak, Granger."

"Ooooh, I'll show you!"

"Hey, where are you going? That's the school broom closet, it's locked! Well, look at you, Danger Granger, breaking into school property! Alright then, let's see what you can do!"

"Eat my dust, Malfoy! Aaaaaaaaiiiiieeeee!"

THUD

"Granger? You okay?"

"Yeah, ugh… how far did I make it?"

"About four meters. Your broom is still going, though."

"Shit."

"Get on mine."

"What?"

"Just get on. I'll show you what real skill with a broomstick looks like."

"No."

"Oh, come on. Live a little, you wet blanket."

"Okay, but don't go too fast, or too high, or-"

"Shut up and let's go."

--

Thud

"Ah! See how much fun that is, Granger? Too bad you're so rotten at flying, ha!"

"Oh, fuck you, Malfoy. Blech, I think all those loopy thingies you did made me queasy. Or maybe it was just being in your general proximity."

"You know you liked it. Although you need to cut your fingernails, I think you've permanently scarred my arms from digging your fingers in so hard."

"Good, that's what you get for trying to make me fall to my death."

"I suppose we'd better get back inside before we're missed."

"I'm supposed to be the voice of reason here, slacker."

"Whatever you say, Granger."

--

"Malfoy, would you mind turning that rubbish down? I'm trying to study in here and-"

"Come on, Granger, dance with me! You know you want to!"

"I really don't, actually- aaack! Put me down! Oh no, don't spin me around, I'm going to be sick!"

"Don't tell me you still can't dance?"

"Okay, I won't tell you."

"Good grief, Granger! Let's change the music here… alright, I'm going to teach you how to dance."

"What?! No way. I don't need to learn how to dance- what is this? Celestina Warbeck? You listen to Celestina Warbeck?"

"Yes, well, I'm just full of surprises, eh? Now pay attention, unless you've improved vastly in recent years we have a lot of work to do."

"Excuse me?"

"I saw Krum dragging you around the room at the Yule Ball fourth year, you definitely had two left feet. But that doesn't matter, put your hands on my shoulders."

"Umm…"

"For shit's sake, Granger, I'm not going to bite you."

"How's that?"

"Better."

"Good."

--

"Holy shit, Malfoy! It's one o'clock in the morning! We've been goofing off for three hours, I haven't finished my essay for Professor Vector, I still need to review my potions notes, and I need to study for transfiguration-"

"Relax, you nutter, you're such a raving loony sometimes. You'll be fine, and hopefully some of the teachers will die of shock- oww! Why are you always hitting me!?"

"Because you're always being a toerag!"

"Damn, it's a good thing you're so puny, otherwise I'd be black and blue all over."

"Erm, Malfoy- thanks. This was fun."

"What's this? Doest mine ears deceive me? Goody Goody Granger actually having fun? Merlin forbid!"

"You are still an insufferable prick."

"Well, you're still a prissy swot. And you still can't dance worth shite."

"Goodnight, Malfoy."

"Goodnight, Granger."

--

"Okay, this prefects meeting is now adjourned! You lot make sure you double-check the corridor patrol schedules I gave you, I don't want anyone skiving off their duties! Ginny, don't forget your gloves over there… bye, everyone!"

"Well, Granger, I'm glad that's over."

"Malfoy, you should've backed me up a little better. Our prefects this year are incredibly lazy, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who cares!"

"You are the only person who cares. You need to lighten up, Granger."

"But our prefects are off snogging each other when that's exactly the kind of behavior they're supposed to be looking out for!"

"So what? Does it actually hurt anyone if people are canoodling left and right? No. I think you need a good hard snogging yourself."

"I most certainly do not and that is none of your business anyways, Malfoy- have you been brushing your teeth?"

"Pardon?"

"You smell nice."

"I always smell nice."

"No, I mean your breath smells nice."

"Why don't you give it a taste test?"

"Ha ha, Malfoy, very funny. Alright, let's focus here."

"I'm perfectly focused, you're the one who's trying to smell me."

"I was NOT trying to smell you, you're sitting right next to me, it was impossible not to notice, for fuck's sake!"

"Calm down, Granger, it's okay. You can smell me whenever you want, I don't mind."

"You are IMPOSSIBLE!"

SLAM

--

"Morning, Goldilocks."

"What did you just call me, Granger?"

"Goldilocks."

"Who the ruddy hell is Goldilocks?"

"It's from a Muggle fairy tale."

"Okaaaay… was he one of those knights in shining armor or something?"

"Actually, she was a little girl with pretty blond hair, just like yours, ickle Drakie-poo!"

"Goddamn it, Granger, don't ever call me that again."

"Okay, Goldilocks."

--

"Wake up, Granger, its Christmas! Up, up, up, lazy woman!"

"Ungghh, Malfoy, I thought I told you to KNOCK on my door when you want to talk to me."

"I did, doofus, and you didn't open it, so I figured I'd take the liberty of rousing you."

"I thought you were going home for Christmas."

"I changed my mind."

"Shite, it's only five thirty! Do you always get up this early?"

"Only on CHRISTMAS, Granger! Don't you want to see what you got? You've got a decent stack of rubbish here, you know. Of course, nothing like the amount I received-"

"You're an arrogant little berk, d'you know that? Alright, get off my legs, I'm getting up…wow, I did get a lot of presents- would you mind not smearing chocolate frogs all over my room? Thank you."

"Relax, Granger… here, I got you something."

"What?"

"This is for you. Go ahead, open it. Well, don't just gape at me, you look like a codfish!"

"I- I don't know what to say."

"That's a first."

"Oh, Malfoy, where on earth did you get this? I've been looking for this book for ages, all the copies are handwritten and really expensive. Blimey…"

"Well, money's not exactly a problem for me."

"Thank you, Malfoy, this is the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten."

"Oh, don't go getting all mushy on me, I've got a stomach full of chocolate and I won't be able to take it."

"Ack! I didn't get you anything! I am so sorry, I'm just-"

"Don't worry about it."

"No- but-"

"I said, don't worry about it. My room is so full of rubbish anyways that one more trinket and it'd collapse through the floormmmf…am I hallucinating, or did you just kiss me?"

"Uh…"

"Well, that's one present from you I didn't expect to be receiving this year, Granger."

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

"Good, because I'm not sorry, really."

"Good."

--

"Happy Christmas, Hermione! Thanks for the homework planner."

"You're welcome, Harry, I hope you use it. Thank you for the Honeydukes chocolates. I'm impressed that you remember how much I like those."

"Are you okay Hermione? Your face is beet red."

"I'm fine, I'm just…uh, embarrassed, and I forgot to get someone a present."

"Oh no, who was it? Hopefully no one important."

"Actually, it was someone important. Ummm, will you excuse me? I have to go tell Malfoy something about our erm, Head duties tonight."

"Sure. See you at dinner tonight? Since Ron went to the Burrow for Christmas I don't want to be sitting here all by myself."

"Of course. See you later, Harry!"

"Okay!"

"Psst, Malfoy! Over here!"

"Granger?"

"I have a present for you."

"Pardon?"

"Meet me in our common room after dinner and I'll give it to you."

"Okay, but what-?"

"You'll see."

--

"Ungh…oh God, Malfoy…"

"Hermione… whoa, slow down…"

"What did you just call me?"

"Hermione… that's your name, isn't it? Or is snogging me enough to make you forget even that?"

"Arrogant little berk… come here, I'm not finished with you yet-"

"Hermione, wait… are you sure you want to do this?"

"Isn't it obvious? I know you're not as smart as me, but come on."

"Oh, shut it! You know what I mean…if we keep going like this, I'm not going to be able to stop easily…I don't to make things, erm, weird."

"Draco being courteous? I never thought I'd see the day… oh, Merlin, your hands …"

"Did you just call me Draco?"

"I'll stick to 'arsehole' if you prefer."

"You'll be screaming out 'Draco' in a few minutes, so you might as well start practicing…"

--

"Hey, Hermione."

"…"

"Hermione!!"

"…"

"Hermione Jane Gran- oww! What did you do that for?"

"Because you were being a prick, Harry. What do you want?"

"Ahhh…well, now that you ask, can I see your History of Magic notes? Please?"

"No. Draco already borrowed them, sorry."

"Oh, okay. Wait! Drac-"

"Hello, darling. How was practice?"

"Not as lovely as you, though I'm sure your friend could beg to diff-mmmf."

"Harry, what on earth are you doing, your face is turning purple?"

"Yeah, Potter, what are yo-"

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING TO HIM!! LET GO THIS INSTANT OR IT'LL BE DETENTION FOR A MONTH AND NO QUITTICH!"

"That's right, Potter, nice and easy now, your arm is almost off my windpipe."

"Hermione, what did you- I can't believe- you and him- argh!!"

"Stop sputtering, Harry, this is hardly the first time."

"And the last if I may add, Hermione. This is not the end."

"Malfoy, I am going to castrate you if you touch her again!!"

"What, like this? Or how bout here? Or here? She likes it, look at her. You really going to kill your best friend's boyfriend?"

"Draco, darling, don't say that in front of the whole school!"

"Say what?"

"You know what!"

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!"

"Don't!"

"Do too!"

"WOMAN, WILL YOU JUST BLOODY TELL ME WHAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY?"

"That we're together, idiot."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You look cute when you're angry."

"You do to, now get it over with, and kiss me."

"Of course, madam."

--

_And they all lived happily ever after, The End. R&R!_

_-AG_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"What do you mean, to presume?"

"you are ever so devios sometimes, Hermione."

"Stop avoiding the question, Malfoy!"

"What, so now you call me Malfoy? I thought that we got over this hump a while back, let's say…at the end of 7th Year? And it's been how many years? About four? Or was it six, I can't seem to remember…"

"You're still avoiding it."

"What, so now you don't call me anything at all?"

"You are _impossible_!!"

"And you aren't, my good madam?"

"Shut up, stupid."

"You want to see something?"

"…"

"You want to see it?"

"See what?"

"Ah ha! You will pay attention to me!"

"Don't push it, mister…"

"Okay, let's do it."

[Rip!

"Ahhhhhhh!!!"

"Do you like it?"

"Like it? I don't believe it!"

"Seeing is believing, darling."

"Shut up, Draco."

"So…?"

"I still don't believe it."

"But the lady said you would. Merlin, that sucks. It hurt real bad and everything."

"Arg! Just _ask_ next time, before you pull a stunt like that."

--

"So what did she say?"

"She kept on whinning but then she was like 'Just _ask_ next.'"

"But did she like it?"

"You know, she didn't say."

"But you asked, right?"

"Yep."

"And still she said nothing?"

"Yep."

"Man, she's go _you_ bad."

"What!"

"That's right, Draco, my man."

"You– what– how!?"

"You are one whipped man. You are KEPT."

"I am NOT!"

"Are."

"Not!"

"Are, too!"

"Fine…"

"Exactly. You are kept. Now I have to go. Bye, Draco!"

"No, Blaise, wait!"

"Bye!"

"Damn."

--

"So then he got what?"

"You heard me!"

"That's – that's –"

"Ridiculous? I know."

"Do you know why?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest."

"Hermione…"

"Okay, so we had a fight, and I mentioned that he's a coward, which is true sometimes, and that he never tried to do anything that had to do with muggles, and he blew his top and ran out. I didn't really think about it when he first came back, but it makes more sense now that I think about it. Hmmm…"

"Ah…I get it now."

"I mean, all I mentioned was how I always wear my heart out on display on my chest, and he has to pull _this stunt_, I don't even know what to do with him."

"Well, part of the blame goes to you, sweetheart, you're the one who pressured him into getting one."

"Don't you 'Sweetheart' me, Ginny, this isn't my fault, I didn't pressure him into doing anything that he didn't want to do."

"Sure…"

"I swear, the world's going crazy, yourself and Draco included."

"And now the kettle's calling the pot black."

"Shut up, I have work to do."

"Sure…"

--

"So…"

"Yes, Hermione, darling."

"…"

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Maybe because girls get hearts, not guys?"

"But you said that I needed to –"

"Forget what I said, okay, Draco? Somehitngs are not to be taken literly."

"But you said –?"

"ARG!!"

"Okay…"

--

"HE GOT A WHAT!!"

"A tattoo."

"Oh my. What of?"

"A heart."

"Are you kidding? A heart? Wow, he's pretty manly. Sure you don't want to leave him and go on a date with one of my Quidditch buddies? Jack would sure like to get to know you, and you saw how he treated you. "

"No, I would not, Ron. I swear…"

"Okay then, see you later."

--

"So, I decided that I like it."

"Like what?"

"Your tattoo, stupid. It's okay, I think that I can live with it."

"Oh."

"Is that all you're going to say? Oh?"

"Well…"

"Arg! What did you do this time?"

"Well…"

"What?"

"See, the tattoo wasn't permenant, and I took a shower, so it kinda came off."

"…"

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

--

_And they all lived happily ever after._

_The End._

--

And the final of the trilogy – so stop adding it onto your Story Alert list. :D That's okay, I do it, too. Review?

A


	4. Chapter 4

_This is for all of ya'll that just couldn't read "Completed" in the upper right hand corner. And because ya'll kept on reviewing with "Update soon!" or something of that sort. I hope that it's the last one, but judging from the outcome of me saying that last time, I doubt that it will actually cease to be._

_Enjoy!_

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Hey babe, how's it going?"

"You aren't sleeping, are you?"

"You're faking, I can tell."

"I'm bored! Wakie Drakie!"

"Wake up! Wake up! Wakeupwakeupwakeup!!"

"Wake up!"

THUMP

"Urg."

"Oh yay! You're up!"

"Ihateyouinthemorning."

"What? Morning? Yep, it is the morning Dracokins. Duh, 'cause it's so bright outside."

"Okay."

"Let's get up! Make me breakfast! Draco, I'm hungry, sweetheart!

"Draco…"

"Fine! I'll get up. But I'm not making you breakfast."

"Thanks, I'm gonna take a shower, and I don't want eggs for breakfast."

"Wait— no!"

"Make me breakfast! Besides, today I was supposed to have it in bed today, and since you screwed that up, don't you want to make me happy?"

"Well, yes, but it's just that—"

"Isn't making breakfast in bed what you're supposed to do on Mother's day?"

SLAM

"…Mother's Day?"

"Drakie!!"

"Oh. Hullo Pansy."

"What's that, not talking to me now? Or are you and Hermione on the rocks again? Or are you just feeling pissy. Because I sure am, now that Blaise pulled that stunt again. You know, the one that he always does, when he–"

"YES! I KNOW, SO YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME AGAIN!!"

"Okay… no need to yell."

"…Sorry, I guess. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have, you fat tub of lard."

"Wha—wha—what?"

"Yeah, you're getting fat. You really need to lose some weight."

"I am not fat, Pansy, maybe you should get your eyesight checked."

"Or perhaps you should take a look in the mirror."

"Ihateyou."

"That's lovely, but I really need to run. So do you, by the way, it's a fabulous way to exercise. Bye!!"

"Wait, Pans, I need to ask you something!"

"What? Make it quick I need to leave, like, errr…negative 10 minutes ago, but my hairdryer sucked up my extentions and then I burned myself with the crurling iron, and Pookee went and peed on my dress, bad Pookee, you know mummy doesn't like that, and so then I—"

"Okay! I get it! Anyway…"

"Yeah, your question, go on."

"Is today Mother's Day?"

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what, Lav?"

"So you haven't?"

"Obviously, since I asked what I was supposed to hear."

"okay, so I was walking to Emmy's with Roger…"

"Roger Davis? Are you kidding?"

"No. Anyway, he'd talked to Blaise this morning about some business deal, and then Millie had come in to get him…"

"Millie? As in Millicent—"

"Yes, _her_. So she came in to get Blaise, who earlier this morning had talked to Pansy who ha talked to Draco about her pooch. And he had asked her if it was Mother's Day—"

"Wait, it is? Gosh, I havn't gotten my Mum anything, she is going to FREAK."

"—and she had told him that it was, and he went all pale, and since he's talked to her straight after leaving him and Hermione's flat…"

"Oh my god!! Is she—?"

"I dunno, that's why I asked you, because I know you worked together on that one project, and Ron's to bloody thick to ask, besides the fact that if you asked Harry or him, they would both freak, and since we don't know for sure…"

"Fine, I'll ask her. But you owe me one, if I do find out!"

"Sure thing, Patil. Sure thing…"

"Oi, Harry!"

"What?"

"Are you gonna go to Mum's with the rest of us, or stay home? I wasn't quite sure, and Ginny was being a git about your leg being broken, so no one would give me a straight answer, and Mum was looking to kill back home, so she sent me and Fred to have a look for her at your supposed 'broken leg.'"

"Ron…"

"Oh! Hey Ginny! I was just… err, checking in with Harry about tonight, and, err…"

"Yes…?"

"Ginny, love, we should go. Your mum would throw an absolute _fit_ if we said we couldn't, and then she'd go and move the whole shindig here, and you know how that would play out."

"Come on, Gin! Mum would be so pleased, and then she could actually _not_ box my ears like last time I asked and you all said 'no.' Please?"

"Ginny, darling…"

"Fine! But Harry stays in a chair the whole time, and—"

"THANK THE DAY THAT MERLIN DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A HEART, GINNY!! Harry, don't forget to bring your broom, we're planning on having a match with Blaise and Malfoy, they're coming, too."

"No BROOMS!!"

"Great, mate, I'll bring it over."

"DID YOU HEAR ME, Harry JAMES POTTER?! NO BROOMS!!"

"See you later, Harry, Ginny. Don't forget to bring the tart Mum asked you to bring tonight."

SLAM

"Harry. James. Potter."

"Yes, love? Why's your face all scrunched up and stuff, and, WHOA, BACK OFF WITH THAT SPOON!! WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING ON—Owww!!"

SMACK

"You are in such big trouble."

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mum."

"Oh, I wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead, I'll not doing anything."

"So, this morning I was talking to Hermione, and she mentioned mother's day."

"…Yes?"

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"Draco, darling, you still there?"

"Fuck."

"Hermione?"

"Hermio-"

"What?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"Ahh, good, I was soo freaking out there for a moment."

"Hermione?"

"You're what?! Relived? It took you bloody long enough to notice, and now you're _relived_?"

"…Wait, so you are?"

Come on, now ya'll owe me a review.

A


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